I'm Empty Without You
by LuhGleek
Summary: After all this time hiding their relationship, Chris can't take it anymore. He breaks up with Darren, leaving the other boy devasted. Even after a year, the older man hasn't forgotten Chris, even after the latter starts dating someone else. /CrissColfer fic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! So this is my first CrissColfer fanfic. I don't know if I'm gonna continue to write it, it depends on the feedbacks, so if you like it, please leave a review? Also, sorry I'm not sorry for the angst!**

**Chapter 1**

*Darren's POV*

It's been a year. A year since I had my heart broken by the love of my life, Chris Colfer. When I thought everything was perfect, that we were happy, he just...left me.

*FLASHBACK ON*

_Darren and Chris were cuddling after a night full of making love. The younger had his arm around Darren's waist, his head pressed against his lover's chest, while the brunette traced circles around Chris' right arm. But then his hand stopped as soon as he noticed that the body pressed against him was shaking. He looked into those gorgeous glasz eyes he loved so much and saw tears forming on them. The sight was so painful._

_"Hey, honey, what happened? Why are you crying? Have I done something wrong?" Darren asked, voice filled with sadness and concern._

_"I-I can't"_

_"What can't you, baby? Tell me."_

_"I can't do this anymore, Darren." The younger said, sitting on Darren's bed._

_That's when he knew something was very wrong, and it was about them because it was very unusual for Chris to call him Darren in private. It was always "honey", "baby", or even "Dare", but not Darren._

_"D-Do what, Chris? Cuddle?" He asked, having a feeling that it would be so good if the problem was just that._

_"No, I can't do _us _anymore" This time he stood up and started to put his clothes on. "I'm sorry. I have to go."_

_Darren felt his heart sinking in his chest. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose Chris. His Chris._

_"No, baby, why? What did I do?" He didn't even bother trying to hold back the ugly sobs that were already making their way out of his throat._

_"Darren, I can't take this situation anymore. I don't to hide, I can't stand seeing you with her. Do you know what it's like for me to see you two together in public and not being able to tell the world that you're mine?"_

_"If that's the problem, I can come out. Right now if you want me to. I'm gonna tell everyone how much I love you, how much I can't stand her, but please, please, don't leave me!" Darren was trying to keep his voice strong, but it was hard to accomplish that since he couldn't stop crying._

_"No, we both know you're not ready for this. People would put you through hell. Trust me, I know."_

_"I don't care about it! All I care about is _you_! But you don't seem to care about me or about us like you've always claimed to because if you did, you wouldn't be giving up on us so easily and out of nowhere."_

_"Darren, don't make this harder than it already is. We can't be together anymore. I'm sorry."_

_And with that, he stormed out of the door before the other man could protest, leaving him with a heartache he was sure would never stop and his legs incapable of going after Chris and beg him to stay. _

_It was only heard a whisper of a broken man._

_"B-But I love you."_

*FLASHBACK OFF*

So that's how it happened. I have nothing to say other than _I miss him. _I miss our kisses, our touches and spending time with him doing absolutely nothing, just holding each other. I miss the way he used to look at me, how his face would when he laughed or even smiled that beautiful smile which could light up the entire country.

But anyway, I could stay here saying what I miss about him for a year and not be over with it. The list seems infinite. All I'm gonna say is that I miss all of him. I don't know how longer I can cope.

Our break up was the biggest influence for my PR to make me appear even more with Mia, my supposedly girfriend, on events. God knows I really don't like her.

Also, there's this guy Chris started dating a few months after he broke up with me. This is what hurts the most. It physically aches to see him with someone else. To know that he's the one to hold him at night, on those same nights I'm on a cold and empty bed, holding the pillow he used to sleep with when he stayed here and pretending he's there with me. You know, sometimes it works, even if just for a few seconds.

While I want him back so desperately, I fell guilty because I know I should be happy for him. This other guys seems to treat him right, although he will never love him half as much as I do. Nobody can.

Sometimes I think that maybe we weren't meant to be. I know he's my soulmate but maybe I'm not his. Perhaps I'm not good enough for him. Despite the jealousy I feel everyday, I know he's happy with this other guy. And that's what gets me through the day.

**A/N: Let me know what you thought of it! Sorry if it's short but this is just a prologue (if I do decide to continue, haha) Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello, guys! So, this fic was supposed to be an oneshot but I've received several requests for me to continue it so I've decided to do it.**

**Also, I just finished this chapter, so I've had the pleasure to write it while there was a riot. OMG, ALL OF THOSE GIFS FROM TREVOR PROJECT AND DARREN LOOKING LOVELY AT CHRIS, I AM NOT OKAY!**

**Sorry, but I just had to.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, I wrote it while having a lot of feelings hahaha. Enjoy the riot as well ;)**

**Chapter 2**

It was just another day on set. Darren was making his way to film a scene with Chris. Those were the worst. Don't get me wrong, Darren loves his jobs and all but scenes with Chris are just…painful. He had to act like he was in love with him (which wasn't that hard, since he obviously still was.) and had to watch his ex-boyfriend do the same.

It was so real, that sometimes Darren believed it and forgot that they were characters and Chris was being Kurt, and not himself. It was mostly hard to realize that because the way Kurt looked at Blaine was the same Chris used to look at him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Ryan's voice.

"Ok, guys. You all know what's gonna happen…where's Chris?"

Just then, Chris arrived, making Darren feel more nervous than he already was.

Also, there was that. He becomes nervous when he has to shoot scenes with Chris. Something that never happened before the break-up. Great, don't you think?

"I'm here! Sorry, I had to sort some stuff. But let's go!" He said, not looking very enthusiastic.

"Are you ready?" Ryan asked. Both Chris and Darren nodded. "Okay. Take your places. Action!"

"Carmen Thibideaux is a classicist. So, for your audition, let's try to avoid any shocking patterns and anything that says 'look at me, I'm the center of attention and this primary color proves it.'" Said Kurt.

"Kurt, wait - just stop - I have to tell you something." Blaine interrupted.

"Oh no, you've got that look. That look I saw the night after Callbacks. If you cheat on me again, I will not accept sex addiction as an excuse." Kurt said and Blaine –Darren- blushed at that comment.

"I don't want to audition for NYADA." Blaine said.

"Well, you can't get in on your reputation alone." Replied Kurt.

"No, NYADA is just a performing arts school. That's all you can study there. I have other passions, other interests I might want to explore in college."

"For instance?" asked Kurt.

"I don't know - you know how much I love kids. I'd love to be a teacher like Mr. Schue or pre-med or something." Blaine replied.

"Of course, how can I forget the numerous conversations we've had about you wanting to be a doctor?" Kurt said, sarcastically.

"My passion for medicine has always been my secret shame. My first guy crush was George Clooney, aka Doctor Ross on ER. And it's no secret what my favorite Milton Bradley game is... It's such a great relief to be able to tell you this now. I'm just glad I did it before my audition... What?" Blaine asked when he noticed Kurt's face.

Kurt stood up from the bed and pushed Blaine by the hand to sit in front of him.

"We're getting married. I know you and I get it. This is a sweet side of you that I don't get to see very often. You're scared."

"Of what?" Blaine asked.

"Look, when I first moved here I honestly felt like I was Crocodile Dundee, alright? The city is huge, the buildings are huge, and everywhere you look, it's all these beautiful people who seem like they've just come from this secret meeting on how to make it in the big city."

"What if I don't get in? You didn't." Blaine asked, letting his insecurities show.

"You will. And if you don't, it won't matter. You're a performer. You're going to find the spotlight. And you can't shy away from your greatness just because you're afraid you aren't great enough. You have a gift. It wouldn't be right to let you hide that away."

"Okay, guys, CUT!" Yelled Ryan. "That was great. I was thinking here that maybe…maybe instead of a hug we could make Kurt and Blaine kiss. So…you can continue from where you stopped, ok?"

Oh, God. No. He hated and loved when Blaine and Kurt had to kiss. Hated, because it was so hard to contain himself and all he wanted to do when those soft, pink lips touched his was to deepen the kiss and just get lost in it. Something that he obviously couldn't do; Loved, because it felt so great to feel his love so close to him again, even if it was as Kurt and Blaine.

"Get in your places. ACTION!" Yelled Ryan.

"Thanks for knowing me. I love you." He said it like he meant it and well…he did.

Now. They were going to kiss now. Oh, God knew how nervous he was and…there it was. Chris' lips moving against his like it was made for it and he couldn't help but let out a quiet moan against the other boy's lips. He barely had time to compose himself and Chris was already pulling away. He didn't know what had gotten into him, but he didn't let Chris go and kissed him harder this time.

"CUT! CUT!" Yelled Ryan. "What just happened, Darren?"

Darren blushed and started to stutter.

"I-I d-don't know, I mean, I-I just t-thought that we could make it a good k-kiss for all the Klainers out there, you know?" He managed to say.

"Aham..sure. Well, I think we can edit that and make it look like that second kiss didn't happen. We just need to shoot Kurt's part and then we're done." Ryan said. "In your places…ACTION!"

"I love you too, and we're in this together. I can't stop you from failing, but I can promise to make it safe if you do. And I think Santana should do your makeup." Said Kurt.

And with that, the scene was over.

"CUT! That was great. Thank you, guys. You can take a break now."

Darren didn't need to be told twice. He ran to his trailer because he needed to be alone with his embarrassment.

It hadn't been five minutes in his trailer, there was a knock on the door. Darren sighed, wiped some tears that had formed in the process, and opened the door. And Chris was there. Great, the last person he needed to see.

"Dare, can we talk?"

_No, you don't get to talk to me like that. Don't call me Dare after everything you put me through. _That's what he wanted to say.

"Um...sure" He said, because who was he kidding? After all this time, Chris still managed to have Darren in the palm of his hand.

He gestured for Chris to enter.

"Look, I really hate this situation between us. Everything is so awkward. I mean, we were friends before…you know. I really miss our friendship," Chris said. And in that moment he looked so innocent and nervous that Darren wanted to take him in his arms and never let go. "So…what do you say?"

"I don't know, Chris. This is really hard for me, you know? I don't think I would be able to be your friend like nothing has happened."

"It's been a year, Darren. You need to get over it. I really don't want to screw our friendship up just because our little fling didn't work out."

Oh, no. He hadn't said this.

"Little fling? What we had was more than just a fling and you fucking know it! We were in love, Chris! We were making plans of spending the rest of our lives together and you just went and ripped all of our dreams like they meant nothing to you! You're afraid of screwing our friendship up? Guess what? You already have!" Darren snapped.

"Darren, why are you talking to me like that?" Chris asked, his eyes full of tears.

God knew how much he hated to see Chris cry. And being the reason of it was even worse. But he had to be strong for himself. For once.

"Because you broke me! You fucking broke me that night. I seriously thought I was going to die. And you know what? I was okay with that because if I couldn't have you, what would I live for? Why would life be worth it?- "

"Darren, I-"

"I'm not finished!" Now that he had started, he was going to say everything he felt. Everything that had been there for such a long time. "What makes me angry is that I can't hate you, no matter how I try, I can't feel anything but love towards you. That scares me and pisses me off at the same time."

He couldn't say anything because suddenly, Chris' mouth was on his and he was unable to think coherently. Their lips moved in unison, teeth colliding and a feel of _need _in each moan that left their mouths. Darren's mouth left Chris' to press kisses to his neck, because even after all this time, he knew how to make the other boy crazy.

_It's been so long._

"C-Chris, I need you." Darren panted.

That seemed to bring Chris back to reality because, before he knew, the other boy pulled away and he was forced to face reality again.

"I-I'm sorry, Darren. I have a boyfriend. I can't do this. This was a mistake. I'm sorry."

And before Darren could reply, Chris left the trailer, taking with him all the hope Darren had felt not even five minutes ago.

"FUCK!" Darren yelled and punched the wall with every strength he had.

He looked at his hand and it was bleeding. Good. Just like his broken heart.

**A/N: That was chapter two, guys! Hope you liked it. Personally, I loved it. I'm sorry for the angst, but don't worry. Everything is gonna be okay in the end. **

**See you soon! Love you all xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, guys! I know it's too soon to update this fic but my friends kept pressuring me to do it haha. So, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.**

**Also, I'd like to thank every single one of you who has left reviews. It means a lot to me!**

**Here we go!**

**Chapter 3**

CHRIS' POV

I can't believe I did that. I kissed him, and shit, it was the best feeling in the world, like always. Of course, we kiss sometimes as Kurt and Blaine but it's just not the same. I just shouldn't have done that but I couldn't help myself. He was there, pouring his heart out for me and I had to do it.

The biggest problem is that relieving all those feelings again made me be sure that I'll never feel the same way about any other guy. God, I don't feel half as this for my current boyfriend. Why had my life to be so complicated?

Also, there's what I said to him. That we were a little fling. And damn, was he right. We weren't just a fling. Darren was the love of my life, fuck, still is. But I had to do it.

You must be thinking "why doesn't he go back to Darren if they both love each other?" The problem isn't that simple. Life is complex. I had to break up with him to prevent us from suffering even more. Actually, to prevent _him _from suffering. Yes, I love him that much.

I knew he would want to come out _for me_ eventually. But I can't let him do that. He has to do it when he's ready, do it _for himself._ And I'm not gonna lie to you, I couldn't handle it. I was telling him the truth when I said I couldn't see him with her, pretending to be straight and all that. For all of those reasons, I had to let him go.

What I didn't count on is that I can't get over him. I just can't. I've been seeing other guys, I'm even dating somebody else. And after all this time, I still feel the same.

What I have to tell myself is that it's for the best. _For the best._

_END OF CHRIS' POV_

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Darren didn't know when he had gotten home. He didn't remember anything after what had happened with Chris. He just knew that he was home, in his bed, when he awoke with his phone ringing.

It was Mia. Great.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe. How are you feeling?"

"I'm good." He lied. "You?"

"I would be better if you were here. I was thinking…maybe we could do something together. Go to the movies, maybe?"

The worst part of all this was that Mia really thought Darren liked her, when, in fact, he was very annoyed by her.

"Uh…I don't know, Mia. I'm so tired"

"Come on, Darren. We barely see each other anymore. You're only worried about your job. It seems like you don't care about me anymore."

_Like I have ever cared. _He thought. _You're one of the reasons Chris is not mine anymore. God, stop thinking about him. Um…maybe distracting myself will do me good._

Darren sighed. "Okay. I'm gonna change and I'll pick you up at 7, ok?"

"Ok. Bye."

"Bye"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Dare!" Mia squealed and threw her arms around Darren's neck the moment he saw her.

"Hey, Mia. Look, I've already told you not to call me Dare"

"Yes, and I still don't know why."

"I just…I just don't like it, ok?" _It reminds me of Chris and everything we had. God, not again._

"Err…ok. Now, let's go, I'm super excited!"

Darren smiled. She didn't seem to notice that it didn't reach his eyes at all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"God, look who's here!" Mia said, nudging Darren's waist, when they were already there.

"Huh?" He asked, looking around.

_Oh, wait. No. No, this can't be happening. Urgh, I hate my life._

"Your friend Chris is here. With his boyfriend. Look how cute they are…Wait! I just had an idea. Let's invite them to watch the movie with us! It would be a double date." She exclaimed, clapping her hands, excitedly.

"No, Mia, I don't think-"

He didn't have time to protest because Mia was already dragging him to Chris and his boyfriend's direction. And it was already too late, Chris had already seen him. He was wearing the same expression as Darren.

"Darren?" asked Chris.

"Um, hey, Chris…" replied Darren.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Oh, I'm sorry…this is Will, my…uh, boyfriend. I think you and Darren already know each other, but you don't know Mia." Chris said.

Darren felt sick.

"Hey, nice to meet you! I'm Darren's girlfriend." She said, shaking Will's hand. "Darren and I were talking and we wanted to invite you to watch a movie with us. It would be a double date. What do you guys think?"

Chris looked at Darren, eyes wide, as if asking him if he was out of his mind. Then, he glanced at Will.

"Yeah, that would be great, don't you think, Chris?" Will said.

"Err…yes. Of course. Let's go.

_Kill me now._ Darren thought.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Okay, this was torture. Darren couldn't take it anymore. Seeing Will and Chris acting all coupley was killing him. Especially since Mia decided they needed to sit together because, maybe in her little world, lack of privacy was really exciting.

You know what? Screw this. It's better that Darren is near to watch Chris. God only knew what they did when they were alone. At least like this Chris would contain himself.

"Mia, I'm going to the restroom, ok?" Darren whispered.

"Okay, but don't take too long. This movie is getting good!" She replied.

"Sure." He left, missing Chris' confused look.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Darren sighed and threw some water on his face. He didn't know until when he would suffer like this. Would he be miserable forever? Possibly.

Gosh, he just wanted to forget everything.

Suddenly, he heard the door opening and he saw the last person he wanted to see right now. Or maybe the only one he needed to see.

"Chris?"

"Hi...Um, I couldn't help but notice how you ran away from there and I had to come and see you-"

"Don't, please." Darren pleaded.

"Don't what?"

"Don't pretend that you care about me." Said Darren, his voice breaking.

"But I_ do_ care about you." replied Chris "Can you stop this? Do you think it's easy for me to be in this situation? It's not. It's as hard as it is for you, ok?"

"Chris, please…I'm not in the mood to have an argument with you. Let's just be…okay? "

"Ok, but…uh-hey," Something seemed to have caught his eye. "What happened to you hand?"

Darren looked at his hand. "Err, nothing, I just closed my…car's door with my hand in it"

"Dare, it looks pretty bad. Did you go to the hospital?"

"No, I don't need to. It's fine."

"No, Dare, please, let's go to the hospital. This could be pretty serious-"

Darren looked Chris in the eyes and couldn't stop his heart from fluttering at what he saw there.

_Genuine concern and pure love._

"Dare, are you ok? You-" He stopped talking as soon as he heard Darren let out a loud sob.

"C-Chris, I'm not o-okay. T-This just isn't fa-a-air. Why c-can't we just be t-together forever? I love you and I know you still l-love me. I need you, Chris, I ne-e-ed you!" Darren sobbed.

"Dare, oh, baby, don't, please. Come here." Chris said, in the verge of tears, taking Darren in his arms and letting the other boy bury his face in his neck.

They stayed there, Darren sobbing and breathing in the comforting scent of _home_ he only felt when he was with Chris.

In that moment, they didn't care if someone walked in. It was just so good to have each other after so long.

_I love you. _Chris wantedto say. But he knew he couldn't, so he kept his mouth shut and kept on holding the other boy like his life depended on it.

**A/N: So that was chapter 3! Hope you liked it. **

**Please, leave a review? xx**


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